What's that you say? You wanted to buy me a 30th birthday present, but you couldn't decide what to get me, for lack of knowing what I wouldn't
immediately throw out the window the minute after you left? You wanted to get me something that I actually might want
to receive, and not something that you
thought that I might want to receive?
Well, here's your shot, sucka! That's right! Here, in no particular order, is my customized wish-list of exorbitantly expensive 30th-birthday gifts, none of which I actually expect
to receive from anyone, but which would make this whole 'transition' into the 3rd decade of my life (not to mention the other whole 'transition' into 'becoming a father', which will be happening after another month) much more enjoyable, tolerable and, let's face it, zany.
● Freaks and Geeks Deluxe Edition DVD Set
(pictured above) Retail Price
: $120.00 Reason
: If you grew up in the 1980's and you've never heard of this TV series, you are really missing out, and this is coming from a die-hard 80's nostalgia cynic. This series, which was cancelled after one season (which, I gotta admit, might be one of the reasons it has become so cemented in the pop-culture lexicon as a cult-favorite, where (in my opinion) it rightfully belongs), came out in 1999, when I was in such a deep anti-materialist, anti-Americanist, anti-anything-not-Rabbinically-sanctioned phase of my life that, had I seen it then, I woulda been all "Man, this show is just re-commodifying collective memories of the corporate consumerist dreamland developed for a secularized society bereft of true spiritual or moral leadership!!!!" But now, seeing it in 2005, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I'm all "Shut up Rabbi! Freaks and Geeks rules
: This Deluxe Limited Edition 8-DVD set, which has hours of extras, a few booklets, special packaging and all kindsa other junk, is seemingly only available from their site
, and only for a limited time -- though I haven't scoured the entire Internet, I could not find mention of the Deluxe Limited Edition on eBay
, so caveat emptor
, as they say...
● Star Wars Trilogy DVD Set Retail Price
: $49.99 Reason
: Aw, c'mon. Do I need
a reason? Howsabout that 4th DVD? Special Note
: Yes, it's way more affordable, which is why my wife may already be getting it for me (shh!!! don't tell her I told you!), so check with me personally before picking this one up.
● James Burke's Connections DVD set Retail Price
: $149.99 Reason
: (from their website) This ten volume series was made in 1978. By turning science into a detective story, James Burke creates a PBS television series that will fascinate students and adults alike. As the Sherlock Holmes of science, Burke tracks through 12,000 years of history for the clues that lead us to eight great life changing inventions -- the atom bomb, telecommunications, the computer, the production line, jet aircraft, plastics, rocketry and television. Burke postulates that such changes occur in response to factors he calls “triggers,” some of them seemingly unrelated. These have their own triggering effects, causing change in totally unrelated fields as well. And so the connections begin...Special Note
: File this gift under the "to be passed on and/or watched with aforementioned new child, when the time is right."
● Heritage: Civilization and the Jews DVD Set Retail Price
: $84.95 Reason
: I had
to have at least one Jewish DVD set on here. And this one looks like the best pick, even though I've never seen a single episode. I hear it's pretty good, and if I am going to try to make some sort of Jewish History Media Project at some point in my life (all specifics remaining heretofore undisclosed), I guess I should see what's already been done, and take it apart with my bare hands (which I unfortunately couldn't do with a rental copy).Special Note
: This also
may be filed under the "to be passed on and/or watched with aforementioned new child, when the time is right."
● McSweeney's and The Believer Super Subscription Combo Retail Price
: $90.00 Reason
: Because I need something to read while riding on the train every day, and McSweeney's Quarterly Concern
is a great magazine chock-full of pop-cultural and literary nudge-nudge-wink-winks (and the hyphenated phrases that describe them). I've seen The Believer
once or twice, and it's pretty darn great, and
it comes out 6 more times a year than the Quarterly! C'mon people -- give me something I can pummel those Jews For Jesus freaks in the subway with!
● Wired Subscription Retail Price
: $20.00 (for 2-year subscription with free gift) Reason
: Allright, I'm a sucker, and this magazine is total brain candy... but what else am I supposed to read on Shabbos? Divrei Torah?
● Tickets for 2 to 'Avenue Q' on Tuesday, July 19 at 8PM Retail Price
: $207.00 Reason
: It's my 30th birthday! What other reason do I need to see a Tony-winning Broadway show?SPECIAL DISCLAIMER TO ALL PIG OF DEATH SHOPPERS
Now, seriously. My wife and I would much prefer you to buy stuff off of our baby registries. Screw my birthday -- buy me a box of floss. Or a card. Seriously. We would really much prefer a carseat, stroller, or any of the other stuff we have registered for, because that sh*t is ex-pen
-sive, if ya know what I mean. If you really want to buy me something, please leave a comment and I will contact you. Don't go flyin' off the hook tryin' to surprise me, now. Thanks.