Monday, July 25, 2005

Name Our Baby and Win a Free Rant!!!

(We're hoping for a bright mustard-colored baby like the middle one there)

Categories for this contest include:

1) Best Male First Name
2) Best Female First Name
3) Best Hebrew First Name
4) Best English First Name
5) Best Middle Name (Unisex names only)
5) Name With the Highest Potential of Actually Being Used
6) Name We Would Never In A Million Years Give To Our Worst Enemies (yemach sh'mam v'zichram)
7) Most Laughable Attempt at Trying To Amuse Us (any category)
8) Honorable Mention for Name with Best Usage of Hebrew Gutturals (any category)

Winners will receive, free of charge, one (1) post on The Pig of Death to rant or rave about whatever the hell they want! Talk about a shot at eternal fame here!!! Submit your entry today and beat the rush!!!

(Please Note: Contestants need not enter names for any particular category -- The Contest Master will sort all entries according to whichever category seems most appropriate. Please Also Note: Entries must be posted in the comments section of this blog in order to be considered for the contest. Personal e-mails in my Inbox will be automatically disqualified! Yet Another Final Note: Any parenthetical asides enumerating the merits/pitfalls of given names may in some cases exponentially increase contestants' chances of victory. Void where prohibited by law. Limited time offer. Good while supplies last. And please, for the love of G-d, don't try this at home.


At 3:02 PM, July 25, 2005, Anonymous Great Gramma said...

I suggest Esmeralda Gukenfitch, Jr.

At 3:06 PM, July 25, 2005, Anonymous great gramma said...

...and Marvin Grzinski, Jr., if it's a boy,

At 3:32 PM, July 25, 2005, Blogger houseofjoy said...

I suggest Nebuchadnezzer if it i a boy and you can call him Nebuch for short.

At 6:20 PM, July 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Menachem Mendel if it's a boy, especially if he's born on the 9th
of Av!

At 7:19 PM, July 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

007. Think of it --- licensed to daven. Shabbes. The seven Noahide Laws. Kabbalah. 00 for short. 7 when your serious. The first Yid with a number for a name.

At 7:40 PM, July 25, 2005, Blogger Elayne said...

Um, aren't you naming him/her after deceased relatives?

At 11:36 PM, July 25, 2005, Blogger MC Aryeh said...

Does this mean you are no longer considering my previous suggestions of Shanequa and LaQuan?

For a girl: Shlumpa Snarfblatt Silverman, which would make her S.S. Silverman, which means she could double as a boat and you could sail her places, and wouldn't that be cool?

For a boy: Hi Ho Silverman. Homage to the Lone Ranger and catchy alliteration to boot. Only drawback: saying hello, people might leave out the introductory hi and it would just be Hi Ho...

Hebrew name for either: ChaChaCha Silverman. An excellent way to confound the Christians, who would pronounce it as either a dance or a laugh. In either case, a name of joy. And for the yidden, very frum sounding...

Though really I think Beth should win in every category. Nebuch is hilarious!

At 9:29 AM, July 26, 2005, Blogger Chazarmaveth said...

Also submitted via my Inbox (therefore disqualified "in principle", but may nonetheless make it to Round 2):

1) Frederick (could be contracted into Fred, Freddie, Freddie my love, the Fredster), submitted by Yonah

2) WanderingStu, whose real name (dare I reveal it?) is Stuart Siegel, suggested (rather, DEMANDED) that any firstborn male child be named, and I quote, "Stuart Siegel Silverman."

3) Yachtz'el Nemu'el Shutelach Sh'fufam Falu Bela Ard (submitted by Yehoshua, who attests that all of these names come from last week's parsha)

4) Whatever "Ayin-Chet-Ayin" spells when pronounced by a Yemenite Jew -- Yehoshua, in the name of Moish Geller, also submitted

Get yours in today!!!

At 11:26 AM, July 26, 2005, Blogger WanderingStu said...

You beat me to it, ChazMav-- I tried to post the following comment hours ago, but something was awry:
Looks like I already won category 6 with my e-mailed suggestion-- Stuart Siegel Silverman

Anyway, I emailed the name thing to you long before any contest was announced, so stop being so M'dack-DICK and enter me in for the prize.

And since you decided to give away my secret identity on a public and widely read forum, perhaps it's time to give away a little something about YOU over at wanderingstu....

At 4:13 PM, July 26, 2005, Anonymous youknowwho said...

How 'bout John Jacob Jingleheimer Silverman if a boy, and Oh My Darlin' Clementine Silverman if a girl? Imagine the singing!

At 6:09 PM, July 26, 2005, Anonymous Mara said...

The book of names I bought contains such lovely names as Achimaatz (my brother is wrath), Achimot (my brother is death), and my personal favorite, Achipelet (my brother is a fugitive).

For names unpronounceable by Americans, I'm very fond of Yitzchak and Tzvia.

I wanted to name my daughter Maayan, but my husband didn't like it. I also quite like Ze'ev, but it really needs the apostrophe and I'd never burden my son with a name that required excess punctuation.

I could go on like this for days, but I'll stop now.

At 3:09 AM, July 27, 2005, Blogger WanderingStu said...

Never complain ChazMav-- Yerushalayim will be rebuilt before I ever achieve 12 Comments on one post....

At 12:04 PM, July 27, 2005, Anonymous 'laizer said...

The name, of course, is Chatzermavet.

It has the gutteral, has unfathomable necro-connotations, and is a unisex middle name.

At 1:17 PM, July 27, 2005, Blogger WanderingStu said...

While engaged in an extensive meditation on the middle toilet in the Beit Midrash at Yeshivat Bat Ayin (not the one b'tzel Mavet and not the one with the gateway to the Sitra Achara, but the regular toilet, the one for settin' on) I came across the name:

Hizkiyahu "Hank" Silverman

Hizkiyahu is a badass 'Nach character whose name is sorely underused. The name has many nickname/diminutive possibilities:

the middle name is revolutionary for its incorporation of quotation marks, making it seem as if it was a nickname, when, in fact, it is a legal nickname, in memorium of Charles Bukowski.

To further spice the name, and add that "Chasidische Ani Lo Yodea Ma," Add a second middle name, using one of the many 2-named appelations of the great Tzadikim:

Hizkiyahu "Hank" Menachem Mendel Silverman

Hizkiyahu "Hank" Dov Baer Silverman

Hizkiyahu "Hank" Tzvi Hirsch Silverman

Hizkiyahu "Hank" Schneur Zalman Silverman

or the very chic

Hizkiyahu "Hank" Sheretz Lizzy Silverman
PS my blog has been outlawed in 5 European nations (including Estonia) for lameness and lack of public support.

At 1:20 PM, July 27, 2005, Blogger WanderingStu said...

i meant to say

"a legal middle name"

in the previous comment. I'll be quiet now (i'm so lonely on this hill)

At 12:08 PM, July 31, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fleur DeLiqueur-

At 2:42 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger houseofjoy said...

Now that you have a girl, I vote for Tifereth... no joke.

At 4:16 PM, August 03, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For goodness sakes guys, just name her something that, while unique, does not have people scrathing their heads, wondering, huh? My niece should not have to explain her name all her life like I do my last name.


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