Monday, August 08, 2005

And the Winner Is.....



(drum roll please............)

Naomi Batsheva bat Sarah Elana v'Yermiyahu sh"lita!!!

Sadly, none of you quite called the name. However, that doesn't mean your dear ol' DeathPig won't make good on his promises of fame, fortune and wealth to all three of his adoring fans -- quite the contrary, in fact! Here, in a particular order, are the LUCKY WINNERS of a free rant on The Pig of Death!!!

1) Best Male First Name
WINNER: HouseOfJoy
ENTRY: "Nebuchadnezzer"
REASON: You can call him Nebuch for short. 'Nuff said.

2) Best Female First Name
WINNER: great gramma
ENTRY: "Esmerelda Gukenfitch, Jr."
REASON: I gotta give my Gramma a prize just for entering, don't I?!?

3) Best Hebrew First Name
WINNER: mara
ENTRY: "Achimot"
REASON: Translation: "My Brother is Death." That's almost as good as "Courtyard of Death!" Thanks Mara, however you found us!
CLOSE SECOND: "Achipelet," or "My Brother is a Fugitive." So good!

4) Best English First Name
WINNER: MCA
ENTRY: "Shlumpa Snarfblatt"
REASON: Ummm.... that is English, isn't it?

5) Best Middle Name
WINNER: Yehoshua
ENTRY: "Sh'fufam"
REASON: Just say it in your head a couple of times.... that's it.... now out loud.... go ahead.... fun, ain't it?

6) Name With the Highest Potential of Actually Being Used
WINNER: HouseOfJoy again!
ENTRY: "Tifereth"
REASON: It's a very beautiful name, no pun intended. Maybe for the next girl, Beth!

7) Name We Would Never In A Million Years Give To Our Worst Enemies (yemach sh'mam v'zichram)
WINNER: Stu
ENTRY: "Stuart Siegel Silverman"
REASON: Nothing personal, Stu. It's just that we wouldn't in a million years give that name to our worst enemies (yemach sh'mam v'zichram)

8) Most Laughable Attempt At Trying To Amuse Us
WINNER: anonymous
ENTRY: "Menachem Mendel"
REASON: Let's not get me started, shall we? Anonymous, come on dowwwwn!

9) Honorable Mention (best usage of Hebrew Gutturals)
WINNER: Moish Geller, via Yehoshua
ENTRY: "Whatever 'Ayin-Chet-Ayin' spells when pronounced by a Yemenite Jew"
REASON: Go ahead -- you try pronouncing it!


RULES FOR CLAIMING PRIZES: Send us an e-mail here within the next 264 hours (i.e. before Shabbos Nachamu, August 20, 2005) confirming your intention to participate. Failure to confirm participation will result in disqualification (supplies are limited, after all). Limit one entry per winner (multiple winners excluded -- meaning yes, Beth, you can submit two entries if you like). Participants may write about whatever the hell they want. Short stories are great. So are shameless self-promotional gimmicks, rants/raves about something Jewish, and links to obscure websites that rock. I'm giving you my soapbox here, people. Do me proud.

All entries should be sent to the preceding e-mail address by Rosh Chodesh Elul, September 5, 2005 (after that, you should be concentrating on teshuva, nu?) Your e-mail entry should contain the following items:

• Byline or Title (No longer than 50 characters (spaces included))
• Image (as JPG, PCT, TIFF or GIF -- be creative! Animated GIFs rule!)
-- Disclaimer: All images will be automatically resized to 400x300 px
• Main body text (please format for HTML if possible)
-- Note: entry must not exceed 1500 words
• Hat-tip, if you found your subject on someone else's blog (not required, but definitely mentchy).

CONGRATULATIONS WINNERS!!! And thanks to all of our contestants!

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